i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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