Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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