Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
