Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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