what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
