sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
