I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
