I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
