guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
