I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
