I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That accounts for only three of the penises
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
