Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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