There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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