have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
