he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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