Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
