I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
