phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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