Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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