i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
