he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize