Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
