Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
