I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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