oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
