You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
