is your mom at the bar?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
