we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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