I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
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Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
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I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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