I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
my poor anus
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
