Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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