batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
