Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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