i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Two words: blizzard sex
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
