your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
