dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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