and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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