i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
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Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
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He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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