if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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