mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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