The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
