two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
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Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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