if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
