4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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