I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
