There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
