What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize