Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
