It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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