What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
