my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the day after is always just damage control
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
