She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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