the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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