I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
