i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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