im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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