You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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