Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
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You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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