sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
