He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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