I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
