Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
