Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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