It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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