Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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