We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
