My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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