Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
