absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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