he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
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That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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