You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize