so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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