Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
