She went from zero to smokin in five shots
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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