Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
