She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
