ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He called his prostate his "boner button".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
